


Poems or Porn

by SonOfAMuggle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 25 Days of Harry and Draco 2020, Christmas songs, Early Bird, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, dirty Christmas songs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27806368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonOfAMuggle/pseuds/SonOfAMuggle
Summary: Written for the 25 Days of Draco and Harry!Draco Writes Harry 25 Christmas poems to express his love. . . I mean Draco re-writes 25 Christmas songs with naughty lyrics.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 55
Kudos: 53
Collections: 25 Days of Draco and Harry 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to dedicate this series to all the retail worker and anyone stuck listening to Christmas music on repeat. May you invent your own dirty lyrics in an attempt to stay sane.
> 
> In addition, I would like to apologise to all Christmas music lovers everywhere and anyone with a sense of propriety.
> 
> Theses conversations are a series of notes passes in class; folded into paper footballs or pinwheels and sent across the room when the professors back is turned with a swift Leviosa.
> 
> (Prompt A)
> 
> Plain text will be Draco.  
> Italics will be Harry.

They put up the tree in the Great Hall do you know what that means?

_er . . . It's 25 days till Christmas?_

Exactly, and I'm going to write 25 poems that express my feeling for you!

(Silver Bells)

In hallway alcoves I'll take of your clothes.

Your messy hair drives me while,

And in your pants theirs a feeling of stiffness

Our lips are clashing

People passing

Will wonder what were up to

And in every broom cupboard they're hear,

Kinky tells

Dirty spells

It's Christmas time in Hogsmead

(I want you're)Ding a ling

I like to hear you scream

I hope that you feel the same way!

_I think you meant porn not poems early. I assume this means were meeting in the broom cupboard during break!?_

Of course.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt V

Bins is the worst. But I'm writing about something more interesting then goblin rebellions. I think you'll like it, Potter.

(O Christmas Tree)

Oh on your knees

Oh on your knees

I pull your hair so gentle

oh on your knees

oh on your knees

you grab my thigh intently

Your licks and strokes feel so divine

Don't stop until the morning time

I'm begging please,

I'm begging please

What happiness befalls me

  
_A Malfoy begging? Does your Faaather know about this?_

Merlin, I hope not! Muggle Christmas music, you're such a bad influence. ; )


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt Q

* * *

I was watching you practice yesterday. You were destracted. Do you know how I know?

(Rudolph the red nose reindeer)

Harry the Scarhead Potter

Had a very easy tell

Whenever he saw Draco

The buldge in his pants did swell

All of his quidditch muscles 

Began to stretch twitch with glee

Because when he last saw Draco

He was down on both his knees!

_Destract me all you want Draco. I'll still cream you at the match next week._

Sounds like a challenge. If you want to cream me just ask, ; ) it still won't help your Quidditch game.

_Name the time and I'm yours. but, if you keep writting me notes in Charms Hermione is going to see._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt O

Silence night

In the moonlight 

Gunna make you quake with delight

I know you're no virgin truth be told

So I expect you to wear some dirty clothes

When we've done our passionate throws

I'll hold you in sweet repose.

_Draco are you asking to meet in the astronomy tower tonight?_

Yes, was that not clear?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt L

(Old saint Nick)

Up to the castle carriage drawn

In the passenger seat I'll keep you warm

Covered in furs we'll snuggle tight

I'll hold you in my arms all this frosty night

_Awh Draco, that one was really sweet!_

*Hold for the text*

You ho ho ho

Let's do it in the snow

You ho ho ho

You know just how to blow

Oh down in the carriage I'll lick your prick

No one will will hear us if we do it quick

_Very classy, Draco_

Only the best for my Chosen One


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt S

Jingle bell

Kiss and tell

Let's go all the way!

Oh what fun to pork you when we're rolling in the hay! Say!

In stairwells

And hotels

Come on I'll make you Neigh!

Let's get down an dirty while thestrals

Pull the sleigh!

_I'm not sure that one made sense._

Yeah well, it's Sunday and I'm behind on my potions essay.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt H

(Angels We Have Heard On High)

(First voice)

Angel, you have me tongue tied

Ya got me feeling so insane

Lips twisting in forced reply

Grunts tumble out with no restrain

ooh-Oh-ooh-ungh-ahh

In between the sheets-oh!

ooh-Oh-ooh-ungh-ahh

Merlin! Your so deep-oh!

(Second Voice)

Holding you in Jubilee

I hear your joyous strains prolong

I know the happy cause is me

Which inspire your heavenly song

_If you're gonna write lyrics about sex nosies I wanna hear you sing then._

Only one way you're going to hear that.

_I'm willing to work for it._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt I

I've got last minute practice tonight. So I won't see you but I'll leave you this to ponder.

(Drummer Boy)

Come you told me 

ba rum pa bum bum

I then cry out will glee

pa rum pa bum bum

You feel like ecstasy

Pa rum pa bum bum

You pound me breathlessly

In my rum pa bum bum

You're such a tease. Have fun at practice and wear some mittens.


	9. Chapter 9

Are you familiar with the song 'Baby it's Cold Outside'?

_Er . . .I guess_

What the hell have muggles never heard of consent?

_It was written a long time ago, it's not that bad and the harmony is really catchy._

He drugs her and then manipulates her after she say no! How is that not fucked up?!

Harry Potter are you passing notes in class?! Shame on you! Revision starts next week you should be paying attention!

But Malfoy is completely right that song needs new lyrics.

_Hermione, stop reading my notes their private._

_Draco, That is fucked up I never paid attention to the words before._

Exactly! so I'm going to re-write them into something wholesome.

_Of course you are._

It's not private when they keep flying over my head! And you never pay attention!! Like now, in class!

(Baby it's Cold Outside)

I'd hate to sound cliche (bae, you can confide)

But can we cut the foreplay (I'll do my best to abide)

This evening has been

So full of delight ( we'll end it here if that's what you'd like)

I'd like it if you'd talk dirty (babe, I'm feelin' so flirty)

Won't you tell me you're kink ( I think we're so in sync)

No need to play coy ( I like your sex toy)

Let's cut to the chase now (we'll pick up the pase now)

I'll tell you yes yes yes (your consent is the sexiest)

Now that we agree let's get our kink on

(You know I'll never do you harm)

Unless pain gets our engines turning

(You're bitting sends my heart whirling)

Wanna hear you say

Oh bae won't you hold me down

Pass it to Granger when you're done admiring my poetry.

_Wait, Hermione aren't you curious and Draco and me?_

Oh please, Harry, I've known about you two for months. Your're so obviously any idiot could tell. Well, maybe not every idiot.

Draco, the lyrics are an improvement but their not exactly what I would call " wholesome".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with the lyrics for this one. I might edit it later, so they fit the melody better. But, It was causing me to fall behind on posts, so it's time to move on.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt T

(Deck the halls)

_Kiss me twice if you feel naughty_

_(Fa la la lala la la la la)_

_Spank me hard and call me Pottie_

_(Fa la la lala la la la la)_

_Don we now our gay apparel_

_(Fa la la lala la la la la)_

_On all fours you act quite feral_

Nice try Potter but my are better.

_Ron was humming it all morning. I wrote the lyrics to stay sane._

Do you want me to jinx him silence for you?

_No Draco, Draco don't!_

Fiiine (gratuitous eye roll)

_Your supposed to be nice and charming to my friends. Remember? NICE AND CHARMING!_

I'm not going to charm the Weasel King!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt R

_(Deck The Halls)_

_Tie me up with boughs of Holly_

_(Fa la la lala la la la la)_

_No safe word would be a folly_

_(Fa la la lala la la la la)_

_A mistletoe will add some class_

_(Fa la la lala la la la la)_

_Shove some now up my tight ass_

Wow that's a little intense for you.

_PLEASE, don't take it literally._

Don't you know any other song?

_I do. However, Ron does not._

I'm going to jinx him.

_Really Draco? What did you do to him? He's speechless! Do you just enjoy torturing me?_

Um . . . yes. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt C

Weasley sent me the most charming note this morning express his best wishes for the match.

_What???_

(Carol of the bells)  
Hey farret face   
Your games a disgrace  
A snitch you can't chase  
You'll come in last place  
Quidditch match is here  
The stands will all cheer  
For Gryiffindors they call  
Sytherin will fall

On broomstick we'll fly  
Into the sky  
Your defenses are thin  
The quaffle will get in  
You're really are a swotter  
Your such a shitty spotter  
Get ready for the slaughter  
I know you're boning Potter

You better not brake his heart  
Or I'll tear you right apart

Fuck sytherin  
Gryffindor will win  
I'll puch you in the chin  
If you ever hurt him  
Don't know what he sees  
You really are a sleaze  
This game will be a breeze  
I'll kick you in the knees

  
_Well, you did spell him dumb. Yesterday._

He was already that way. I just put a silencing charm on him. 

_That's not the kind of charming I was referring too._

You need to talk to him.

_You need to apologise to him._

Malfoys don't apologise.

_Then we're at an impasse._


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt J

Harry?

I don't care you won the game. Can we talk?

Please?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt Y
> 
> (Song request by scorpion Queen)

  
(Where are you Christmas?)

  
_Where are you Draco?_   
_Can't sleep without you_   
_Why can't we mend this fray_   
_Where are the poems that_   
_You use to write me_   
_I miss the way we play_

_Our world is changing_   
_And rearranging_   
_Do you think you're changing too_

_Where are you Draco?_   
_Do you remember_   
_The fights when we would clash_   
_You're not the same one_   
_See what the time's done_   
_I want this change to last_

_Draco i'm here_   
_Don't dispair, oh_   
_Draco I'm here_   
_And I care, oh_

_If there is love in your heart and your mind_   
_We can grow together in time_

_I feel you Draco_   
_I know I've found you_   
_Please, never fade away_   
_The joy between us_   
_Stays here inside us_   
_Fills each and every heart with love_

_Where are you Draco?_   
_Fill your heart with love_

_Ron told me you apologized to him and not just for jinx. He seemed in shock. What did you say to him?_

The truth.

_Well, whatever you said you seems to have convinced him. I mean he still thinks you're a bit of a wanker and that I'm off my rocker for liking you. But a lack of hostilities is an improvement._

Did you rhyme 'us' with 'us'?

_I think you're miss the point of the poem._

You're so sappy, Potter.

_Says the guy tearing up in charms. Do you want to meet tonight for hot cocoa?_

I'd love too.


	15. Chapter 15

I'm still pissed about last night.

_About the cocoa? It's your own fault for putting so much marshmallow and wipe cream._

No! About Filch.

And there's nothing wrong with mallow, cream and sprinkles. I like my drinks as sweet as I am.

_Then you'd be drinking lemon juice!_

_I'm crossed about Filch too. Detention really!? We were only five minutes pass curfew. Seriously what's up his arse that he's always in suck a piss poor mood._

Nothings up his arse that's probably his problem. 

_He was complaining about the decorations this morning. What a Grinch!?_

(You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch)

You're a mean one, Mr. Filch

You really make me sneer,

You're as cuddly as a clabbert,

you're a pealing paint veneer

Mr. Filch,

You're a frosty filthy mug of 

sour butterbeer!

_You're a monster, Mr. Filch,_

_Your heart's an empty tomb,_

_Your brain is full of Wrackspurts,_

_you breath's a toxic fume,_

_Mr. Filch,_

_I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-_

_and-a-half foot broom!_

You're a foul one, Mr. Filch,

You're a slimy rotting newt,

You have all the tender sweetness of a blast ended skrewt

Mr. Filch, 

Given a choice between the two of

you I'd take the 

Blast ended skrewt!

_You're a foul one, Mr. Filch,_

_You're a crumbling, bumbling jetty,_

_you're as smelly as a yeti_

_that's hairy, wet and sweaty_

_Mr. Filch,_

_You're as appetizing as bowl of_

_six week old spaghetti!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to Argus Filch. I don't condone your treatment of children. But I want to know who's idea it was to make a squib clean an entire castle on their own without magic! That's just cruel!   
> Oh right,
> 
> It was probably Dumby.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt F

How can Bins make dragon hunting in the sixteenth century sound as dull as Wizengamot litigations. No matter, I have better ways to spend my attentions:

(Away in a manger)

Away in a stairwell no time for a bed

Your glasses slip down as you give some sweet head

The portraits look down on the step where we lay

And cover their eyes as they yell in outrage.

The staircase is moving and Filch is awake

But quickly we realize our peril, mistake!

No charms did we cast to silence our sighs

So detention we'll be in all next Friday nigh.

No grudge do I bare, this I hope to convey

In mirroring the gesture that you did display.

Of our previous folly, no repeat, we'll take care.

In the room of requirement if you'll meet me there.

_We weren't in a stairwell and he didn't exactly catch us in the act. Thank Merlin!_

I know, Potter, I was there too. I tuck some creative liberties.

_Should we meet earlier this time?_

Yes, after dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to AnxiousGoat for spitballing me through some writers block!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt N

My mother owled some ginger bread cookies for Christmas would you like them? I want something else for Christmas. . .

I want Harry Potter pick for Christmas  
Only a Harry Potter prick will do  
I want to be his doll  
His dirty kinky toy  
I want a Harry Potter prick to play with and enjoy

I want a Harry Potter prick for Christmas  
I don't think boyfriend will mind do you  
He'll know just how to use  
My dirty chimney flue  
He can take me in the back door  
That's the easy thing to do

I can see me now, stripped down in glory  
Tied down to a chair  
Oh what joy and what surprise  
When you unblindfold my eyes  
To see the wizard hero standing there

I can see me now my mouth exploring  
And his fingers in my hair  
I'll sneer at him and he'll sigh   
but when he looks me in the eyes  
He'll see my admiration blatant there

I want a Harry Potter prick for Christmas  
Only a Harry Potter prick will do  
No Severus Snape  
Or Filius Flitwick  
I only like Harry Potter's prick  
And Harry Potter's prick like me too

_So are the ginger bread cookies real or just a set up for the poem ?_

The cookies are real. Did you not like my poem?

_It's as lovely as always. But there's one problem with it._

What's that?

_I won't get to see you on Christmas._


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt P

Just writing lines in detention. I think we got off easy.

_It's not 'just lines', it's lines with Snape._

Professor Snaps is not that bad. He only hates people who don't appreciate potions. Cheer up I'm writing you a poem.

(Christmas Song)

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

A lover massaging all your toes

Your green eyes start to fill with desire

As I slowly take off all your clothes

Everybody knows it's better when you take it slow

It Helps to make it all feel right.

As you hold me tight we both know

We won't get any sleep tonight.

**Another detention Mr. Potter. You are here to write lines not pass notes.**

**Mr. Malfoy your lyrics are pedestrian and your rhymes are becoming repetitive. I recommend a new muse.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt M

So, I didn't get to finish my poem for you yesterday.

_Because Snape gave me detention and you an artistic critique?_

What can I say all the teachers love me.

_They love you sucking up!_

Are you saying I'm not lovable?

_This feels like a trap?_

(The Christmas Song)

We know that pleasure on its way

We'll keep our hasty fingers chastly at bay

Until the sensation gets too high

And sends out hearts soaring to the sky

And so you look with that lustful gase

There's only on thing I can do

Although it's been said many times, many ways

Will you fuck me, again.

_Okay I will concede that you are damn lovable, but only if you meet me in the Room of Requirement for some spiced wine._

Where are you going to get spiced wine?

; )

Potter?


	20. Chapter 20

(It's The Most Wondering Time of The Year)

It's the most wonderful feeling, my dear

With my cock swelling

And your hands dwelling, grasping my rear

It's the most wonderful feeling, my dear

It's the hap-happiest sensation of all

With caresses so fleating and gay happy meetings

When you come, it's ahw

It's the hap-happiest sensation of all

_Term end tomorrow._

Yeah, are you staying at Hogwarts?

_The Weasley invited me for Christmas._

Two weeks apart.

_You could come visit me._

At the Weasley's? Happy Christmas! here's an unwanted house guest! 

_I can hear your sarcasm even in writing._

I'll send you an owl every day.

_It's not the same._


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt D

Dear Potter,

It's lonely at the Manor. I've taken to feeding the peacocks in the morning. Dispite my father's insistence that the task is beneath my dignity. Their is one that sports plumage that the exact color of you eyes.

(The First Noel)

The first time I say, you on the train  
Is captured in my mind, a perfect still frame  
Your hair was a mess, your clothes so cheap  
But eyes sparkled like emeralds they struck me so deep

Oh hell, I can tell  
You're looking swell  
You beauty struck me like a bell

I looked up and saw staggering scar  
And I asked is this the wizarding star  
Named the boy who lived, the savior of light  
And so I obsessed both day and night

Oh well, I can tell  
This is going to be hell  
One look at you and my heart did fell

Dear Draco,

How many times do have to tell you to call me Harry? I think we're way pass formalities don't you?

You're getting sentimental in your solitude. Not one innuendo.

Mrs. Weasley made the most delicious cake shaped like a yule log. I can't wait for Christmas dinner. We we're playing Quidditch this morning. If you were her we could have had even teams of four. Hermione says I shouldn't pressure you to come. But how else will the idea stick in your thick head. 

Missing you,

Harry


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt W

Dear, Harry

I mis-wrote when I said 'lonely'. I was simply at a lost for words in describing the serene winter landscape that is Malfoy Mannon. With my parents other wise engaged I'm spending more time outdoors. It's so peaceful strolling along the fields laced with snow. This morning the dawn light reflected like a prism on the frost covered pines; Illuminating the tree in a rainbow of colors. As I turn back to the Mannon I caught a glimpse of an albio fox. I was so pleased their was no gaggle of noisy weasels to scare away such a rare creature. When I tire of my tranquil wanderings I return to my privet chamber beside a roaring fire. My lounger is a bit large for one person but it's cosy never the less. By the light of the flames I read sonets aloud in my soft tenor. It's the sort of peaceful holiday one dreams of; I only wish I had some hunky scarheaded git to share it with.

(I'll be home for Christmas)

I'll be yours for Christmas

You can count on me

Against the door

Or on all four

Or beging on my knees

I'll be yours for Christmas

I'll try anything

a cock ring

Or a sex swing

Just tell me what to bring

One horny night I'll find you

Bring your fantasies

I'll be there for Christmas

But only in your dreams

Dear, Draco

You're mean.

Dear, Harry

You're the one using Quidditch and cake to lure me to Weasley's. Quite the sytherin move. Am I rubbing off on you?


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Draco,

(Frosty The Snowman)

Draco the sytherin was a clever, sinful, snake

With slick blond hair, and fine derrière

He was one promiscuous rake

Draco the sytherin is a batchlor they all say

He couldn't be caught or so they thought

Till this seeker tried one day

There must have been some sweetness in that

young man I found

For when I kissed him on the lips

his tender heart did pound

Oh Draco the Sytherin

Did fall in love that day

And it's plan to see It's the same for me

A tied Quidditch match we played


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt K

Harry layed under the sheets in the attic bedroom he shared with Ron while at the Weasley's. Despite the merry evening he shifted uncomfortable; unable to sleep. It was reaching midnight when a letter appeared before him with a poof! No owl. Just an envelope with his name on it in an excitingly familiar script.

On the night before Christmas 

I wear my favorite blouse,

Put on my heals and sneak to your house.

My stocking are fishnets and i'm laced up tight

In a corsets that gives me the figure I like.

Dress hem at my thighs and lace underpants

I think to myself 'he doesn't stand a chance'

With I in my getup and you tied in straps

I'll ride you hard till we both collapse

With this letter in hand all snuggled in bed

Wild fantasies of me dance through your head

Your fingers strech down to find your pleasure

And your fist pumps firm in carful measure

You're reading this poem and what do you hear?

A tap on you're window ( is this getting surreal?)

Harry paused for he had ,indeed at that moment hear a tap, tap, tap.

"Ron I need the room tonight"

" What?" A drosy half awake Ron responded

"Draco's here!"

"Eh fine. But you better fucking use a silencing charm" Ron begrudgingly grabbed his pillow and comforter and sulked out the door. As Ron left he continued reading the letter moving to the window.

You throw open the shutters and loosen the clasp

When you see me you let out an audible gasp.

With a devilish smile and my skirt hitched high

I grab my broom and mount to the sky

I fly to the window, on the ledge I stand

Where you reach out to grasp my delicate hand.

I here you exclaim as I come into sight

"I know this will be one magical night!"

Harry dropped the letter to pulls him through the window and straight into an embrace. 

"You came."

"Just for tonight. My father with have a konniption if I miss Christmas dinner."

"Seeing you is enough."

"I hope you'll do more then look." Draco said pulling him in for a passionate kiss.


	25. Chapter 25

Draco awoke to the squeak of a door,  
To find that his ass was feeling quite soar  
Kindly his lover had left on the shelf  
Some ointment and a letter expressing himself  
Draco I simply must implore  
My affections, for you I truly adore  
You tease and taunt   
your smirk does haunt  
Me the nights that we are apart  
Your poems make me smile   
Your looks drive me wild  
And you have taken my heart.

I dearly want our lives to be intwined  
I'll spend the night with you're family if you spend the day with mine.  
I know you hated the Weasley at first glance  
But I think they're like you if you give them the chance  
And I want you to know that what ever you choose  
That Draco my dearest, I will still love you

Draco put on some jeans (Merlin, he hoped they weren't Ron's) and found a jumper sporting the letter H laying on Harry's bed. It smelled like him of cedar, cinnamon and warm winter nights held in strong arms. He fell back into the twin sized bed. The narrow mattress had them sleeping with knoted legs and arms intwined. The memory was intoxicating. Draco read the letter again, holding it tight like a wish. He stepped toward the exit, placed his pale hand on the squeaky doorknob and paused. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you all for reading! It's been fun!


End file.
